Arie Monroe
- Jun 26, 2019
- 7 min read

They are not to busy for you...

They just don't like you that much and they aren't that interested in making you a priority.

I say "they" because this is a new philosophy that i am starting to live by when it comes to ALL PEOPLE! I feel like some people will only want you around to fill a certain role in their life and I am

TIRED OF IT!!

I once had a "boyfriend" (and if he reads this he may or may not remember it, but I doubt he will read it.) that on his day off that he had every week, was at home doing nothing. I asked him if he wanted to hang out, I could come over (never been to his house) or we could see a movie, etc. To which he responded, " I'm going to do what I always do on my day off." To which I said, "what is that?" He responded, "I'm going to hang out with my dogs." Ok, at that point we hadn't seen each other in nearly 2 weeks because I had to work a lot at the time. We barely spoke on the phone and would get into petty arguments about me trying to get him to actually hold a conversation with me. But, he wanted to call me his girlfriend and say we were in a relationship. We had been dating for 6 months.

He had come to my house and hung out with me and we cooked dinner at my house and went out to dinner and movies from time to time, but my "boyfriend" when asked, never showed any interest in introducing me to his family, or his friends, or having me over. We always hung out the night after he got off work before his day off in the middle of the week. So I got maybe 4-6 hour hang time with him once a week at most. His excuse was he didn't want me to be at his house, because he had seven dogs and it smelled or whatever. He lived about 40 minutes away so it was a bit of a drive. He would complain about making the drive after work to come see me that once a week. I offered to go to where he was and hang out, and we didn't even have to go to his home. We could just see a movie or what ever. He said no. So after really really really trying to make this a real relationship I threw in the towel and ended it. I was just done.

Was he seeing other people? Maybe he was secretly married to someone else? Or maybe he just didn't care about me, at all. What ever the case may be, I was over it. Not to compare myself to a dog, but if I am your girlfriend, I should be at least as important as your pets.

Its like he liked the idea of having and saying he had a girlfriend. That was way more than important than actually behaving like he was in a relationship with someone.

I made a lot of exceptions for the behavior too! Thinking, well we are getting to know each other, but I also have a 3 month rule. In three months, if you don't like someone enough to actually "act" like you love them, then its not going to change and its not working. The other funny thing was, I was making exceptions, but i honestly thought he was the most boring and uninteresting person I had ever spent time with.

We were at a book store once and we ran into some friends in the Starbucks there and they invited us to join them and he said NO! I felt so embarrassed, because I felt like he was just being rude not to want to at least join them for a few minutes. So after sitting there a bit long I was ready to just leave, because now things were just awkward. I could have had more fun talking to a cement wall in the middle of the dessert. I know we all have our issues with social skills, but this person just had NONE! I spent 6 months trying to be way to nice, because someone gave me the title of girlfriend. Anyway, I apply this to everyone now. EVERYONE! Even family! If i can think back to times where you just ignored me or acted like being around me was a inconvenience to you, I just don't want to be bothered. My sis has this habit, even when I lived in other states, where she would call me out of the blue and say hi and when I would ask her how she was doing or what was going on she would say , "hey I don't want to bother you, I know you are super busy so I will talk to you later." Then hang up! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF CALLING?!

I could be in the middle of a sentence and its like suddenly she realized she had no interest in actually speaking to me for more than 2 minutes and she would hang up and if I called back there would be no answer. But, don't get me wrong, if she needed to borrow money, she was not to scared to ask. I started to feel like this person is just keeping me in their back pocket in case they need me for something, but they really don't actually like me that much. Despite being family. And despite saying ,"I Love you." What it comes down to is, I only want to be around people that like me and want to be around me, as well. If you don't return text messages or phone calls or make excuses not to want to be around me, or you only come around because you wanna eat and borrow money then there is no room in my life for you. The unfortunate thing about this, is it means I literally have maybe 5 friends and they all live all over the world and they are all busy living their lives in other states and countries.

It means I gotta live by Beyonce's philosophy.

"Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end That's what I found out And it ain't no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on I'm gon' be my own best friend."

If I like me I don't have a reason to care about other peoples issues with me or worry about why they don't wanna be around. My life is a lot less stressful, because I am not spending all my time trying to get people to act like they care about me or want me around.

I had a friend, also male, that begged me to go with him to a massage place on his birthday last year. Massage was 1.5 hours and cost $100. I told him I would go or what ever, I like to get massages. We are only friends I was not expecting to do anything but to meet up there and maybe talk or hang when we got done.

So I went. When we got there we were late for the appointment because even though I arrived at his house on time to drive over he still took his time. So the massage ended up being 30 minutes less after you factored in changing clothes and getting towels and being shown to our rooms. When we got there the lady at the counter asked if we want to be in the same room. He made it a very clear point to make sure he told the woman at the counter, we were not a couple. All he had to do was say, "no separate rooms." I just looked at him like ok, what ever. Insert eye roll. ( I don't argue with people I just move on.) Fast forward a year later, I was talking about going to a board game cafe and having a little party in December for Christmas with a group. I had never been to the place before. He was excited about it, but I wasn't able to coordinate people schedules. He kept asking me, so I said why don't the 2 of us just go have some fun and check it out. To which he gave no response. (God forbid you go somewhere with a person you call a friend, that you have known nearly 10 years, for fun.)

He didn't have to say anything I could tell by the look on his face he had no interest in hanging out with me by himself. That being said after a few more weird uncomfortable conversations with this person i have promptly decided to pull myself out the equation. It sucks to let go of friends, but I just don't have time.

I had to redefine what a friend was to me.

I don't care how many years it has been. If you don't even want to be seen with me in public then why are you talking to me. Granted people do nice things for each other all the time. Even rich people volunteer to feed the homeless, but that doesn't mean they want to be around them after they leave the shelter.

At some point it starts to look like you are you doing things for someone because you want to keep them in your back pocket in case you have a emergency and you need to call on them at any given moment. You don't actually love them or care about them you just might need them for something so you are nice sometimes, but always keeping the person at arms length so you make sure they know their place. They might give you stuff, invite you places, even introduce you to some of there family whether on purpose or by accident. But, in the end you are just a pawn being moved around on there chess board. Some people don't even notice you stopped talking to them before months go by if they notice at all.

The people that love you and care always have time and always want to be around you. Yeah you might get tired of each other, but you miss each other when you aren't around and you actually worry about each others welfare.

I no longer have a interest in entertaining folks to keep their attention or get them to actually want to be around me. I don't have time for the disappointment and the emotional roller coaster that it creates because you cant figure out what you did wrong to make them not like you or why you were not good enough for them. I only need to be good enough for myself and each day I work toward a better me, who's life I like and enjoy.

I got me myself and I.

I choose to be happy.

If you are making me sad

BYE!